Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The downside of living with my in-laws was the lack of privacy and authority. My husband and I cannot just argue or have a fight. We had to do it quietly- and quiet I was not. The in-laws had the tendency to meddle and in their minds, I was always the aggressor or at fault.

I had no authority over the house helps, even over my own nanny. Two months after my first baby was born, I went back to work. I hired a stay-in nanny for daughter #1. I thought everything was a-ok with the arrangement. When daughter #1 was about 4 months old, I noticed that she was cranky and smelly when I come home from work. She had mosquito bites too. I asked nanny why this was so. The nanny's only job was to take care of my baby daughter. Nanny told me otherwise. She said that the moment I'm gone she was made to leave the baby in her crib so she can help out with the cleaning of the house and washing of clothes. She said she was finding it hard to take care of my daughter and help out with the rest of the house work. I was flabbergasted! I talked with my mother-in-law about it and this is what she said: Alam mo dito sa pamilya namin ayaw namin na yaya nag-aalaga sa mga anak. Dapat ikaw. Mag-resign ka at ikaw ang mag-alaga ng anak mo. ( We prefer that you that you take care of your baby. Resign from work.)

Gullible and wanting to please the in-laws, I resigned - a decision I regretted years later. What made me "mad" was the unfairness of it all. Four years later, my sister-in-law her first baby 4 years later.
A  nanny was hired by my mother-in-law so her daughter could get back to work.

Reactions:
Posted by desperateblogger On 10/14/2008 07:12:00 PM 8 comments

8 comments:

  1. waaah, te lena, i also had that experience! only that we live with my parents. i was also having a hard time everytime my parents' helper would be gone because it would be my nanny who would do the house chores, and that left me to take care of the kids, huhuhu!

    ReplyDelete
  2. hello naku that's really tough! Ako naman never had the chance to live with my parents in law as my father in law passed away before my husband and I got married while my mother in law stays in the province. My problem was with my siblings in law but that's over now they no longer live with us Thank goodness! Why don't you just transfer to another house? My husband and I both decided to live on our own because my mom used to have issues with my husband. Goodluck and just pray for more patience...

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  3. When I had problems with my husband. I stayed with my parents for a couple of months... My own mother is a little bit like that... Glad my husband and I are okay now... We get to do raising our son, "our way"

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  4. naomi: hahaha. ang hirap ano? sala sa lamig sala sa init.

    enid: we got our own place in 1985. i just can't stand living in a place where so many eyes are on me. i've had "issues" with siblings-in-laws too...

    embracingeveryday: the ideal is to live on your own. i'm glad you're fine.

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  5. On my case, we live one floor below our inlaws. Minsan okay kasi we won't have to travel far if may mga gatherings or dinners..downside they can bage in any hour of the day orrrr night.

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  6. renz: ke san ka pa tumira, they can barge in anytime they want.

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  7. sabagay tama ka po. Hopefully tayo hinde maging monster in law. learn from their mistakes kumbaga

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  8. renz: i hope to be an ideal mom-in-law. i've 4 girls and I can't be a monster - son-in-law might take it against daughter =)

    ReplyDelete

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