Saturday, December 20, 2008

Christmas 1974 was when I experienced my first heartbreak. I was 17 and perceived to be madly in love with a college senior I met at the College of Music in UP. He was a member of the Madrigal Singers and I was with the Concert Chorus. I actually met him more than a year ago and have been in a relationship for more than a year. Coming from an all girls' school, I really had no experience "managing" boyfriends. As I look back I realized that I was an insecure, childish, demanding bitch. Okay. Granted. But! - in my defense - I was young... so young and inexperienced. After more than a year of adjusting, quarreling, loving, hating, liking, my boyfriend finally broke up with me. Yes! the SOB broke up with me! I really can't say why because I asked him and he didn't answer, as in never! The hard part of the break up was our choral groups had a joint engagement at the Folk Arts Theatre and we had to see each other at rehearsals and performances. I don't know how I was able to stand it. My first heartbreak almost killed me. I was so sad to the point of depression.

December 24 was always a busy day in our house and in our church. I remember doing all that has to be done in church - the Christmas program, the Christmas eve worship service and the gift giving. I then went home to await the Noche Buena. My cousins have arrived and were all very noisy. I remember lying down on the sofa, face down, crying softly for no one knows the ongoing turmoil deep inside me. I was crying for the soft promises he said to me. I was crying for the love I did feel from him. I was crying for the camaraderie and friendship we had. I was crying for his betrayal. I was crying for my stupidity of completely trusting him.

I don't know how I survived that Christmas. I can't even recall what happened after the crying. Suffice to say that I survived that first heartbreak and became wiser in the affairs of the heart - proceeding heartbreaks were a breeze! That was one Christmas that I want to forget. Over the years the pain of that Christmas heartbreak became more blurred. Now, I can still remember about the heart ache but I cannot remember the pain anymore.

Lesson learned: A breakup is painful, but you'll get over it. My son was 15 when he had his first heart ache. As he hugged me while crying, I remember that time in '74. I had no one to hug and cry my heart out. I said to my son: I know the pain that you're feeling right now for I too experienced that. I'm telling you now, the pain will go away and in your case, I'm giving you two months to recover. I was wrong. My son recovered in no time time at all.

Some years back, I decided to Google my X's name and I came up with some hits. I also searched in people finder sites. Ahhh, so he's living in Chino Hills now married to a Melissa. Ummm.. he does not appear to have kids! Ohh... he and wifey are active in their church at St. Paul. Oooo... he's phone number is 725------. I know. I'm one crazy old woman. AND! I did email him telling him about the recent me. What do you know? He never replied but I knew he opened my e-mail for that particular e-mail had a thingy that lets me know if it has been opened. I know. I'm one demented woman. What's his name? I want to see requests.
Posted by desperateblogger On 12/20/2008 12:03:00 AM 9 comments


  1. yes, who is he??? i love reading your post, but it's my first time to comment in your site. nice site and you write very well.

    yes heartaches :) i can still remember mine...kinasal ba naman sa ibang babae :( anyway, that is my past and it's his loss not mine :)

  2. found your post interesting, that must be so hard for you back then. thats life theres sweet and spices and bitter too. Just think what would be your life if you ended up with him, could be different? or the same?

  3. shiela: hi! i do read your 4?, 5? blogs. i really admire your tenacity. with you working as a nurse, how can you manage so many blogs?

    i agree: it was his lost not mine... just like yours... malas lang nila.

    shydub: if i ended up with him, my life would be different - the thing is I don't know if for the better or for the worse. thanks for the visit.

  4. I can't help but to be teary-eyed reading this post. It brought back memories and it happened on Christmas Eve, too. It sucks big time. While everyone else were merry making, there I was silently crying in my lonely little corner.

    And you're right when you said, you remember the heartache but not the pain. It definitely is true. And just like Joey Albert's song I listened to awhile back, I Remember The Boy But I Don't Remember The Feeling Anymore.

    I enjoy reading your posts, though this is my first time posting a comment in your blog.

    Happy holidays!

  5. i had one very bad breakup. actually two, but i was hurt with this particular guy i will call joel. nandun yun maghanap ako ng mangkukulam para bumalik sya sakin. grabeng kalokahan ko nun. and you're right, we'll eventually get over it. matagal nga lang sakin.

  6. bisaja: yes! i remember joey's song. that applied to me too. one thing about break ups is that you feel it would be the end of the world. good thing we girls are made up of mighty stuff that's why we prevail.

    cherry: are you my soul sister or what? ikaw nga naghanap lang ng mangkululam, ako nga talagang nag consult sa mangkukulam. lol! when the kulam did not work - the mangkukulam gave me some stuff to throw over his backyard - the stuff was supposed to be full of curses. lol! oo. luka-luka ako.

  7. Adduuyyy....mem'riessss...light the corners of my mind...misty colored mem'ries of the way we were...hahahaha....

    Now you're making us all think of our sakit puso...ehehehehe....


  8. huling: lol! grabe sa dami ng "break-ups" ko, naging expert ako! i read your love story nga pala.grabe. ka kilig!

  9. Hay naman, sa lahat ng araw eh pasko pa kayo nag break!

    But i know it's really hard to cope up with first ever break up! I experienced the same, too!


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